Matt and I were discussing the merits of badasses the other day, and the prospect of badasses in the Bible came up. Naturally, our thoughts bent towards the Old Testament. And lately, I have been reading 1st Samuel, so I suggested David as a Biblical badass. Matt suggested Saul. I laughed.
The reason I laughed is because, put simply, Saul was a wuss. Which, to me, is really, really funny. For a brief summary, the Israelites were getting cranky, as they did when they had it good, and asked for a king. God, being King of Kings, obviously was a little perturbed by this, so He told Samuel to anoint Saul. Now, Saul was tall and handsome, and in general, looked kingly. So, it comes time to announce to Israel who God has chosen for their king, and Samuel gives a speech on how this is a sin to ask for a king when they have God. Samuel steps off his soap box, the announcer comes over the loudspeaker, the drums roll, "Israel! Your new king is . . . . SAUL!" The light pans over to the right side of the stage and . . . *chirp chirp*. Saul is nowhere to be found. God tells Samuel that Saul is hiding behind some boxes. Samuel drags him out, and Israel realizes their new king is a wuss. This is God giving Israel the finger.
I love this scene. This is one of my favorites. Here is God messing with Israel, his chosen people, because they turned their back on him. Now, prior to this, God had done some pretty nasty stuff to Israel for forsaking Him (see the book of Exodus). But this was just brilliant. Not only does Israel not get a good king, they get a wuss. And Saul proves it over and over. When God said kill all the Amalekites and everything they owned, Saul spared King Agag and all the best of the livestock. Why did Saul disobey a direct order from God? Because that's what the soldiers wanted. So, once again (and another favorite scene of mine), God shows his wrath by telling Saul his lineage is no longer in line for the crown, and then He has Samuel hack Agag to pieces. Probably right in front of Saul, too.
Then, when Goliath comes calling the Israelites wusses, Saul basically agrees and sits in his tent. Then, David, probably shortly after he started growing his short and curlies, goes up to Saul, voice crackling, and says he'd like to fight Goliath. Does this inspire Saul to grab his sword and fight too? No. He gives David his armor! What a wuss! I mean, the only time he even shows he has a pair, is when he tries to kill David. But he misses with his spear. And then he misses again. And I think one more time. And each of these times, David was weaponless and playing his lute.
Now, Matt did later suggest Joshua. I suggested most, if not all, the judges. But I still think David is up there.
Anyway, all this to say that God has a great sense of humor, even when His chosen people have turned their backs on Him.
That, and Matt is wrong.
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34 comments:
i definitely agree that David was a badass, but let's not forget about Samuel. that was straight up Samuel L. Johnson what he did to Agag.
don't forget about Jesus either. he was pissed at a fig tree for being out of season one time and so he just made it whither.
what about John the Baptist? he's not your average Baptist, you know. he wore animal skin and never bathed, uless you count baptizing people. he was really wildery and awesome. and after he died his head was served on a platter. that's pretty bad ass.
i would also like to say that the bit about Matt being wrong is a very good point.
good post. i would like to hear other's nominations.
I will be as stubborn as the 36% of people that still support Bush and say Saul was still a badass. In movies you gauge bad asses by how much they disobey structure...Saul disobeyed God...
What is more structured than God...
Saul = Stupid but still a badass...
On a lighter note, don't go to the andude's house if you are planning on studying.
Matt, even if you're gonna go with that, I mean, you've got David who porked Bathsheba and then killed her husband when she got pregnant. Plus, by the numbers, even the Israelites agree with me, when they shouted "Saul has killed his thousands, David his tens of thousands!" Bam!
And yes, my place is a terrible place to study. Next time, let's just meet at the library instead.
would you really discribe God as structured? i don't think i would. what do you even mean by that?
i'm a big fan of caleb and gideon and peter. and matt is wrong. surprise.
are you and andrew dating?
Tiffany-
you spelled "Cabe" wrong. there is no "l" and you switched up the "e" and the "b". other than that small spelling error, i approve.
Cabe - Structure was the wrong word... How about authority?
God definitely has authority over men... Saul's a rebel.
Andude - David might have killed 10,000 but he also played the lyre and wrote poetry... Badasses do not right poetry.
Tiffany - how come you're always interested in who i am dating...
cabe- my apologies.
matt-you are still very wrong. and it's probably b/c i am in love with you.
i'm gonna add the sons of thunder to my list and john. anyone who can identify himself solely as the one Jesus loved must be pretty hardcore.
what about Samson? that dude was a baller. even his name is completely bad ass.
ok well anyone who marries an adulteress so that God could use him as an example pretty much trumps all men.
ruth, too. this list is sorely lacking estrogen.
I submit that David was God's badass. That sounds really wrong, but I think it works. David was said to be a man after God's own heart. Bam!
jacob wrestled with God.
sarah, rahab, esther, martha, mary, mary magdelene, the woman who was hemmoraging and the prostitutes.
you guys need more female friends.
isn't Balaam's donkey more of a good ass or perhaps a wierd ass? he is surely an ass, i just am unconvinced of him being a bad one.
very good point though. props to B Mart.
I laughed for a good 5 minutes after i read the Balaam's donkey part, B-mart. Props.
Cabe - I called yesterday to tell you that I am driving up for the wedding and can pick you up at the airport.
Matt- I got your message and called you back to tell you that I had gotten your message and also just to talk about stuff.
that was offensive.
yeah, that was. Man, I must have been really tired after work. I don't know why I said that. huh.
i respectively disagree. i think wrestling with God is something we're all called to do in one way or another. after Jacob wrestled with God he got a new name, Israel, which means "wrestles with God". it's remarkable that this is the name that God chooses for his people. i think he wants us to wrestle. i think the wrestling is relationship. thoughts?
You know who's not a badass?
Nathan Sherman...
I'll see yall this weekend, friends.
And for those of you who are too busy "serving God," you will be missed, and we will drink a beer for each of you (B-mart and Colin).
i'm sad i missed the offensive thoughts but probably not b/c then i wouldn't want to post/be your friend.
and i'm always right, unlike matt.
what's with all the comment deleting?
the andude's deleted comment was one thing, but i wouldn't even have asked him to delete that. he used his discretion and i'm cool with that.
as for matt's deleted comment, he basically edited it for flow and cleverness and reposted it, but i would much rather us be messy on the blog. it's not really that big of a deal either, and i guess it's ok to make subtle changes like that, it just seems a bit pretentious to be so concerned about such things among friends. Matt, i would hate to think that you had to make your comment sound better to impress us. i would enjoy reading your posts and comments with or without perfection as an English teacher might see it.
B Mart, i don't want you to ever feel like you have to remove a post or comment because you changed your mind about something. you don't even have to give me mad props if i'm the catalyst for you changing your mind about something. i want to wrestle with you like Jacob wrestled with God. we don't have to agree all the time and we're not trying necessarily to figure out who is right. i think in many ways Jacob was a pretty big stupid ass, but he was a redeemed stupid ass because he wrestled with God and didn't remain complacent with where he was or how he was.
all of the original posts were fine to stay, and i would encourage you guys to leave up your comments as much as possible. this is by far the most successful thread so far if the measure of success is how many comments happen. let's keep it up, and let's not worry about stepping on each others toes. we're wrestling, not dancing.
Cabe - uhh touche...
But seriously ... i did it because i forgot to add the part about how bmart and colin weren't going to be there... and decided it would be better to post my comment up as one comment opposed to two consecutive ones... (Mozilla Firefox has spell check on everything, including comments on blogger.com) so no more misspelled words for me.
what about Jesus? the dude had swords coming out of his mouth and he wore a robe soaked with blood.
it's funny that all of the serious posts get usually about ten or less comments, but this one about Biblical Badasses now has 39 comments. that either says something very positive about the Andude, or something overwhelmingly negative about the rest of us.
i wasn't really talking as much about the profanity as i was about the subject matter, which some (not myself) might consider unsophisticated. i just think it's funny that this thread has been so wildly popular.
and mice are bitches.
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